PART 6- Drugs

The doctor asks me what I want for pain.  I reply with the only pain

medication that I have heard of as a philosophy major.  “Morphine”

A quick word about morphine, it makes your troubles go away.  (A quick

word about “a quick word” not even the phrase is quick or a word, and

the only way I can think of to end it correctly is something like “a

quick word, no”, but I have never heard anyone use it that way.  just

sayin’)

When I arrive home, my friend Paul is over.  I am really out of it.  I

do two things that I hate to confess on the blog.

First, I create what I dub the diggity language.  Basically, I add

iggity to every syllable of my speech.

“Higgity Paiggityul,  Whiggity’s Uiggiity?”  Hey Paul, What’s Up. 

I am confident we can all agree that this is odd behavior.

But this pales in comparison to what happens next.  I then serenade

him with Salt N Pepa’s “What a Man”

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

I know that ain't nobody perfect, I give props to those who deserve it

And believe me y'all, he's worth it

So here's to the future cuz we got through the past

I finally found somebody that can make me laugh

(Ha ha ha) You so crazy

I think I wanna have your baby

Ahem.

Wow.

Do you need a moment?

Did that just happen?

(A few interesting things about me.  I do not know the words to this

song.  I could not even tell you that Salt N Pepa sang it.  I do not

sing in public.  I do not dance in public.  I do not sing and dance in

public.  And I CERTAINLY do not tell my buddy that I want to have his

baby while singing and dancing to him.)

I then decide that I want to write Wendy an e-mail.  I mean, sure,

that was a bit weird for Paul and me what just happened.  I mean,

sure, it will be a few months before we can make direct eye contact.

But, what could possibly go wrong with writing Wendy an e-mail?

We have been dating for a couple of months at this point.  I write her

the following

“My Dearest Wendy,

My Soul yearns for you.  I loved you from whence first you ripped your

napkin.  I am sure that we are Soul Mates.  I know that it is early,

but I am confident that we will marry and live together to the end of

our days.  I love you my beloved.

Love,

Tyler”

Up until now, I had told her that I dug her, but never that I loved

her.  I hesitate a second before I send the letter to her.  I think

that perhaps this note is a bit much. (that the actual phrasing was

weird eludes my drug-riddled brain).  However, comparing the e-mail to

what have just occurred between Paul and me makes it seem completely

normal and so I hit send.

Wendy replies, “We need to talk.”

Suddenly, the drugs felt a lot less effective.

We talk.  It is not a happy talk.  Wendy breaks up with me.

We eventually get back together and marry.  However, that is a tale

for another day, as I promised a six part hip hopera.  (However, with

a yell or two of encore (or whatever it is that they yell at a hip

hopera,) I may relent and give you more details of how we got back

together and married.)

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Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer

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