Part 5- snowboarding

Recipe for Disaster (this is what we call foreshadowing in the business)

1 Part Girlfriend

1 Part Little Brother

1 Part Ego

My brother John is up for his spring break to go snowboarding.  Wendy

loves snowboarding.  Somehow I get roped in.  I have never been

before.

I figure, I will go with them.  They will teach me how.  It will be fun.

The three of us are ascending the mountain.

I think, “It is pretty up here.”

A minute passes.

“Surely, we are at the top.”

Another minute passes.

“Wait, suddenly this seems too big to be the bunny slope.”

Another minute.

“$@*#!”

I am now approaching the top of a very tall mountain.

“BACK OUT!”  my brain screams.

“You cannot even breath the air up here!”  My lungs bellow.

“You are going to kill yourself!” my vestibular system shouts (I

mention the vestibular system as often as I can, because, well, it is

fun.)

But another, stupider part of me derides.  “Yes, you should totally go

back down the lift in front of your girlfriend and kid brother, that

would be totally awesome.”

(Full disclosure-none of my body parts actually talk.)

So, I suck it up.  I get ready to slide down the ramp off the lift.  I

tap the front of my board to the ramp, crouch just so, and fall flat

on my face.

Perhaps this is a mistake.

Nonetheless, (how cool is it that nonetheless is three words in one?

unbelievablyfreakingcool) I begin down the mountain. Wendy shows me

how to carve the snow.

This is actually not so hard.  I am really getting the hang of it.  I

decide to accelerate down the mountain.  This would be a good time to

mention that It is April and there is not a lot of snow left on the

mountain.  And what little there is left is very icy.  Oh, and that I

have not yet learned how to stop (I think that they call this

background in the business).

I am going too fast.  I decide to break.  (that misspelling was

intentional and perhaps one of the worst five puns ever.

Incidentally, Wendy loves puns.)

My edge catches and suddenly I am performing a front flip that will

end in my stopping on a dime.

I AM THE BEST SNOWBOARDER EVAR TO HAV...

*CRUNCH*

What was that sound, I ask from the daze.  Did I break a binding?  I

hope not, because it was a borrowed board.  (I really wanted to write

something like a board belligerently borrowed bestowed by benevolent

Bill but i thought it a bit much, and pretty close to gibberish)

I lift my torso to check and am hit with blinding pain.

A ski patrol sled ride down the mountain later, I am with a

doctor who informs me that I have snapped my collar bone in two and

broken some ribs for good measure.

Suddenly, I realize that I have been had.  Wendy’s niceness to me

while showing up on her doorstep post date now makes sense.  She lured

me onto this mountain to have her payback. (I need to blog about

Wendy’s concept of payback at a later date).

Now, before you go blaming it on my inexperience, I share with you the

following, I was not the first boy that had broken a bone while being

taught to snowboard with Wendy.  I was also not the second.

(final installment of this hip-hopera coming tomorrow)

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From our hike to a rock quarry in Sacramento.

Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer
Salt Lake Utah Lifestyle Photographer

BLUE LILY | Lifestyle Photographer | Salt Lake City, Utah