Let's talk razor blades

"We are pleased to announce the Schick Anemone."

That is where I imagine the razor escalation going.  There cannot be any easier job than working in the think-tank for a razor company.  You lounge around for about three years.  You then hem and haw for about fifteen minutes about what change you are going to make to the product. 

You ultimately decide to add another razor blade.  You then run to the dictionary to figure out the Latin root for the number of blades you are going to put on the thing. 

"Ah, the "Schick Octo", I am brilliant."

Sometimes, when I am bored, I imagine that there are two factions in the think-tank. 

The superior faction is the Multibladies.  The Multibladies believe in redundancy.  At home, they have televisions in their front rooms, their kitchens, their bedrooms, their bathrooms, their closets, and even, on occasion, their bathrooms. 

They have an extra toothbrush in their cars, just in case.  They have five computers, four brooms and two toasters. 

The other faction is always getting voted down.  They are affectionately called the Gigantors. The Gigantors are of the "bigger is better" mindset.  They have a huge flat screen, a toaster oven (that is actually a full sized oven) and use a horse brush to brush their teeth.  They would buy a Hummer, but they find them to be too "cute" and "petite".

These two factions are at war.   Obviously the Multibladies are winning every battle. 

But, the Gigantors have had some interesting ideas.  The first was the Schick knife.  This was back in the one blade days. 

When the Duo was announced, the Gigantors realized that they needed to up the ante.  Their new prototype… The Schick Squeegee. 

The thinking was that one of the key demographics, the unkempt window washer, could buy the Schick Hybrid Squeegee, and, between washing windshields, could give himself a nice trim.  No one can argue with the ingenuity or utility of the design, but, as the Multibladies already had momentum, they ended up winning the day.

The counterproposal to the trio was the Schick Samurai Sword.  While never introduced for liability reasons, it was very avant-garde. 

The Quattro was countered with the Schick Bastard Sword.  Not only was this seen as a halfhearted revision to the Samurai Sword, marketing was very worried as to how the name would look on the packaging.

The Gigantors are actually ahead of schedule on the next generation.  Their current design is the Schick Spiked Ball Mace.   This will no doubt be voted down, and the Multibladies will have another smashing success on their hands with the Quinto.

However, I see a necessary coming together in about eighty one years (give or take a few weeks).  There are only so many blades you can fit on a razor as currently designed. 

By making the design spherical, the think-tank can ensure its existence for another 200 years.  This is where the Gigantors might gain traction.  As the number of blades increase, so must the size of the ball.  Eventually it will be big enough to satisfy both factions.

I have oft imagined that day.  After three hundred years of oppression, the head Gigantor and the chief Multibladie will walk down the carpet hand in hand.  They will Approach the four basketball sized microphones, and state;

"We are pleased to announce the Schick Anemone."


BLUE LILY | Lifestyle Photographer | Salt Lake City, Utah